P90X Yoga, piece of cake right? For anyone that things yoga is easy, I have news for you. The first few times you do it, it kinda feels like a cross between being a wishbone after a thanksgiving dinner, and this:
Yeah, that’s right, a full on straight legged kick to the junk. Yoga is a 90 minute routine. The first hour is just absolutely brutal. Here is the the complete routine with my notes on each:
Moving Asanas: Every Asana begins with Chaturanga, Upward Dog and Downward Dog.
- Runner’s Pose – At this point I cant get my leg up from the Downward Dog pose straight into this position. I need to help move my foot up with my hand.
- Crescent Pose
- Warrior One
- Warrior Two – Front leg kept getting a spasm and I wanted to bend my knee at this point. I am already starting to get fatigued.
- Reverse Warrior
- Triangle Pose
- Twisting Triangle
- Chair to Twisting Chair (Prayer Twist) – I like this pose. This one was some relief in the middle of pure torture. At this point I know I am going to pay for the breather in the upcoming pose.
- Right-Angle Pose to Extended Right-Angle Pose & Grab – This almost put me into the hospital in traction.
- Prayer twist from Runner’s Pose to Side Arm Balance
- Warrior Three to Standing Splits – My nuts detached from my body and went to hiding under the couch.
- Half Moon to Twisting Half Moon – I did the best I could, but I was sweating buckets at this point. I thought I might pass out.
Balance Postures: I have none. None whatsoever.
- Royal Dancer
- Standing Leg Extension
Floor Work: This is actually my favorite part of the routine.
- Crane (Pre-Handstand) – I did it!! I really did it!
- Seated Spinal Stretch
- Cat Stretch – This was very nice. I’m feeling renewed and relaxed.
- Bridge or Wheel – Forget the Wheel, but the bridge was manageable.
- Plough into Shoulder Stand with Leg Variations into Plough
- Table – OK, This was a bit of trouble, but I did the best I could.
- Cobbler Pose
- One-Legged Hamstring Stretch into Two-Legged Hamstring Stretch
The Yoga Belly 7: I had horrible Ab Ripper X flashbacks during this part of the routine. Ouch!
- Half Boat
- Scissor – That Mother ****** found a way to get Fifer Scissors into a yoga routine. That is not right in any way. I hate you, Tony.
- Torso Twist Hold
- Deep Torso Twist Hold
- Touch the Sky
The class ends with some stretches, child’s pose, shavasana and fetal pose. I skipped the Ohms. I just wanted to re-hydrate and fish my nuts out from under the couch. After I brushed the dust bunnies off the boys I stood there for a few moments. I realized that I felt extremely good about my workout. I felt relaxed and more limber.
Wow, I might actually start liking this yoga thing.
The following is how yoga is supposed to be done vs how I looked doing yoga: